Decision..

Dear Hawk,

Nowadays I keep mood swings, something that I dreaded. Never like the feeling. Guess in order to reduce the chances of mood swings, I need to detached myself from some people and some stuff. I admit that I tend to take some stuff very seriously, no matters its regarding others or myself. Even to the extend of over reacting but then honestly not all the time I will regret. In fact, no point regreting, since words out can't take back because the damage already done. Its how I felt and how I perceived the situation, nothing wrong to express out. I'm a frank and straight forward person, I can be silence if I want, but can also be damn hurting and sarcastic. My language and words that I chose to use, even my tone will be damn hurting too. I have a limited circle of friends, I don't really mind if it gets smaller. Truth is, its I myself that chose to keep it small by being anti-social. Only those that truly know me will stand by me and to me that's enough. Thus, best is time to leave, I don't messed with you all and you all won't have the chance to trifle with me and no one will get hurt. Thanks and sorry for everything.. Sayonara~

Msg for the day: 百分百专一的男人似乎不可能存在。还是放聪明点，别有太高的期望就不会有太深的失望。
Song for the day: Jacky Cheung Zhang Xue You - Qing Wang
[张学友 - 情网]

Ice Cream!!

Dear Hawk,

Last night I slept around 10+pm woke up around 6+am. Gosh. Too early wake up don't know what to do so I watched animes and some shows. Chn 56 got a variety program hosted by 5566, so funny sia. Lol. Morning I ate durian flavour ice cream, afternoon mango de. Now not wise to eat ba, so late le. Looking forward to tomorrow. Ice cream yum yum!! Also got strawberry flavour de worx but I don't think I wanna eat =x Durian one nicer =x Ohya, my mum bought Silkpro de shower foam today. So now I full set Silkpro products. Lol. Hmm.. Not bad actually, all quite nice.. Heehee.. Don't want write le.. 11+pm le.. Tired tired.. I go sleep sleep le.. Night Hawkie!!

Msg for the day: 当爱情来的时候，想挡也无法挡。骗得了别人却骗不过自己的心。说实话，试问有谁没在情场上受过伤害呢？不爱就不会受伤吗？有人逃得过这情劫吗？你会选择爱还是不爱呢？
Song for the day: Huang An - Xin Yuan Yang Hu Die Meng
[黄安 - 新鸳鸯蝴蝶梦]

Work @ Great Eastern Centre..

Dear Hawk,

I admit that I'm getting lazier to update blog. Sorry worx. =x Let me summarize what is going on this week. Actually I was feeling kinda down lor.. haiz.. Anyway, from wed - fri I was working at Great Eastern Centre, relax, I'm not a insurance planner. Uncle Shawnie once said that find any job except life planner.. Lol. Mine is IT Helpdesk. They pay me to read online novels and msn worx. Since basically I only received around 5 calls these 3 days. Super slack till I'm damn bored. Luckily my collegues are kinda fun. Especially those uncles.. Their age varies from twenties - thirties. lol.. What I don't really like is seeing the manager. Coz hor my ex really look like him sia.. Just that this manager is taller and slimmer ba.. I never wanna see my ex worx.. Hope our path will never crossed again.. keke.. I don't give a damn that now he regretted. Too late =P

Yesterday I went dinner with my buddy aka sista Ah Tian since our work place quite close then went KBox. Actually we both don't sing de but then nothing to do. Normally with the rest we don't dare sing also coz we sux in singing =x Yesterday all the songs we chose were oldies! Even to the extent of old Hokkien classics. lol.. Don't think anyone else would have chose to sing those songs inside ktv especially not 21 yrs old youngsters!! Ok lahz.. Quite fun but kinda expensive lor.. Total $44 worx.. Hmm... Partyworld maybe cheaper.. Choose wrong place.. But then KBox free 2 drinks each so okay ba.. yawnz.. I went home on laptop then I fell asleep on sofa le.. Too tired. keke..

Today I first time take bus go there since its raining but then wrong move sia.. I overshot till beach rd.. Got to take cab back to office.. >_< Today got a collegue just came back from his reservist and he came over and talk to me.. He very friendly and a slacker too.. He still on holiday mode sia. Coz he said that his reservist is very fun de, nothing to do, all go play soccer and suntan themselves only. They are all sniper.. Dangerous fellow =x.. They are all jokers, the way they talk to each other also funny. Today I supposed to knock off at 7pm but I stayed around and join in chit chat session and finished up the novel. I forgot to let the manager sign my timesheet and I don't want to go over on Monday just for this so I asked a collegue help me get his signature and fax over to my agency. Hope everything went smoothly, if not my pay will be gone. lol.

Ohya.. Actually while working time Ying called to say tonight maybe got movie session with my bro and the rest sec school friends but in the end cancelled. Even if no cancel I don't think I will be going coz I'm really very tired. Yesterday I slept for around 3 hours only after a full day work. Also hor.. Uncle Alvin bring wrong uniform to camp.. Wrong rank shirt and his bro's pants!! Haha.. Blur blur worx.. He say the pants like falling down. I reply that tell his bro that its time to go on diet. He say he dun wan =.= coz paiseh =x Where will paiseh sia.. Its for his bro own good lor.. Haha.. Nvm lahz.. He won $$ at mahjong yesterday, overall still not so 'lucky' lahz.. lol.. =x Forgot to mention that my mummy bought alot ice cream put at fridge. Later I go ransack the fridge.. lol.. Tonight I will be sleeping early coz I barely can keep my eyes open. Pain pain and tired.

Msg for the day: 用下半身思考的男人，跟禽兽毫无区别。
Song for the day: Jimmy Ye Liang Jun - Wo Zong Shi Ting Ni Shuo
[叶良俊 - 我总是听你说]

I'm So Sorry MF..

Dear Hawk,

Friday while I was reading comics I fell asleep on the floor! First thought when I get up its Mr Centipede! There's a centipede hiding in my room which I failed to hunt out. Big fat centipede, one word to describe-> Scary. Actually those comics are not my type. My sis borrow from her friend, all romance! Although its funny, its also boring coz the storyline and ending are easy to predict.

Sometimes really don't know whether to laugh or cry while reading all these comcis and novels, contents are too fairytales which depicts the contra of reality. Anyway, on Friday, Ajax asked me to go for the Wallace & Gromit show at 9pm then my brother aka buddies group outing is Harry Potter. I fell asleep so didn't go, I doubt I will go even if I was awake, too lazy to get out of house. Lucky though, I think my brother reached home around 5am. Late! >_<

Oh ya.. I was at home playing Maplesea since now there's a snowboard event. So far my collection still lack of Aqua, Dark and Blood snowboards. I wasn't a maple fanatic but then the snowboards are cool! I didn't know dying will result in minus of experience. I was using MF's acc since my own is too low level. My sis is also using my account, she was the one who suggest I go dark stone golem, regretted =x He dropped 20% coz I died 4 times!! Felt so guilty, wanted to play back but then the server always too crowded, guess must wait till event over then play play back the exp I lost. I'm so sorry MF!! I know you feel like crying and strangling me. =x All make fun of me coz of this incident. >_<

Just now I was solo playing GW since idiot kel they all went prata and my kor was hunting and watching RM vs Barca match. But before that actually I fell asleep for about 3 hours during GW, was parking inside the castle. Don't know died and got revived how many times. Lol. Poor water taoist sure wasted mana just to revive me and to get killed again. Lol. Maybe he/she cursing me while reviving. =x I just go lie on bed rest rest never expect fell asleep. Why all live so far away from me? Hungry also worx. Still need to cook noodle eat >_< troublesome. Later I shall go fridge take 1 ice cream to reward myself. Keke. I sorta got addicted to ice cream especially recently. Almost everyday eating!! Life is bitter enough~ Maybe ice cream can sweeten it. lol. As long as I'm happy can le right? lol!

Msg for the day: 问世间情为何物，直叫人生死相许。什么是男女之间的爱？你能肯定地说你懂爱吗？喜欢和爱之间有区别吗？有的，你可以喜欢一个人但不一定爱那个人。很多人都把喜欢误以为是爱，到最后不仅伤害了对方也给自己与周围的人带来不必要的困扰。一见钟情又是什么？你相信吗？对我而言，爱是多程式的。每个人对它的定义都不一样。你觉得他不够爱你但他却可以觉得他已经很爱很爱你了，谁对呢？爱情没有所谓的对与错，是看个人对爱的定义与信仰吧。但我坚决地相信爱情/感情是可以培养的。它本来就是一个过程，从一开始你未必爱他，但慢慢的从好感转变为喜欢到最后或许转变为爱。注意到我用了或许这两个字吗？因为有些人本来就不相信有爱或者不愿相信这世间有真爱的存在。你可以说他们错了吗？不可以吧？爱情在心理上留下的伤口是很难痊愈的。时间或许能淡化伤悲，但能忘记吗？伤痕永在。不过自暴自弃未免太傻了吧。不要过于压抑自己的感觉，当你遇上一个你心仪的对象时，别不敢去尝试？错过了可能会留下遗憾的喔！例如；你很爱你的旧男友，他的背叛与伤害让你对爱情失去了信心，可当你再次去尝试爱上另一个人，你或许会发觉原来你并没有想象中的爱你的旧男友。或许你会觉得那段愚昧的感情根本称不上是爱情，此时你是否会对你的傻与痴而大笑一场呢？敢于尝试或许会受伤不过至少你尝试过，对自己也有个交代，也不会有太大的遗憾。人生最怕就是留下遗憾吧？所以如果事情已经过去也无法挽回，那就看开一点吧！凡事尽力就好，别过于勉强和委屈自己。所以应该要对自己有信心，多爱自己一点，要懂得知足常乐嘛！哈哈！
Song for the day: Tong An Ge - Sheng Ming Guo Ke [童安格 - 生命过客]

Sick of Fast Food..

Dear Hawk,

I think I'm quite sicked of fast food! Tuesday - KFC, Wednesday - McDonald, Thursday - Burger King~ Gosh.. No more fast food for at least 2 weeks please.. Hmm.. My kor seem to be affected by pms.. Don't know what happen also.. Geez..

Msg for the day: 再说一次我爱你？真的有可能吗？看了刘德华主演的这部电影，真的好童话，但里面的剧情和言语确实很感人。人往往都一样，等到失去了才懂得珍惜和改变。但太迟了吧！一切都不一样了。珍惜眼前的幸福才是最明智的选择。你说是吗？
Song for the day: Snow Patrol - Run

Last Day @ EXPO

Dear Hawk,

Yesterday (since past 12am le) is the last day of Safety & Security Asia 2005 (The 8th International Safety & Security Exhibition & Conference) which marked the end of my 3 days work at Expo. I overslept today despite setting 2 alarms and Ah Tian's morning call. I was slightly late but my exhibitor is not there yet so I'm safe! Lol.. He came in 3pm! He called me when he was in cab on the way here and said that he is late. When I say I know he said "Oh.. You realised". lol. So funny worx.. He is a nice and friendly guy. At the end of the exhibition he shaked my hand and say thank you and compliment me on doing a good job. Keke.. We hit just nice exactly 100 subscriptions.

Let me summarised what happened yesterday, it was the hardest and most boring day. Less people = less work = more stoning time. I was so bored!! And I had my lunch at 3pm worx.. Need to wait for him to come then can go so that got people taking care of booth. I went to the food fair also. Never eat so much since I only have 30 mins break and inside so many people. Getting through the crowds and queueing up already took up many time. I spent most of the time smsing with Ah Tian and Uncle Alvin while waiting for his call. His mobile line is Sweden worx.. Call me sure expensive. =X Last 2 days on and off got 2 malay guys from TransLink and some other exhibitors while walking pass me will talk to me abit. Coz I am always alone at the booth! They pity me. Haha!

Got this guy from Navy, he is commanding officer, while he is signing up, he joked alot. And when he amended a word on the form he commented that because his handwriting is ugly so he rewrite if not his mother will scold. When I replied that his mother not here he said that his girlfriend will scold. I said she is not here too he say got, in front of him (Me!). I asked when that happened, he asked am I a girl? He didn't expect me to reply that I'm not and that I'm half half. Lol! Funny sia. We all laughed lor. Another officer from Mindef is there too. They both subscribed. Later on around 4+pm he bought another friend to sign up as well. All wearing white uniforms. So cool! So many ranks. I think they are in their thirties.

Actually still got other fun stuff but I lazy to write down. Lol.. After that I went dinner with my stupid kor la.. Then go play play with doggie.. They actually named her "Chou Chou" which means Ugly. So cute the doggie. So fun and playful. Can't see any sign that she is pregnant worx. Her ball ball is her treasure, so hard to take it away from her, still must lure her away. The ball is covered with her saliva. >_< I left after watching finished "Double Vision". Its categorized as horror but not scary at all. Overall that show is not bad la maybe its because I never watched before. I fell asleep immediately after getting a seat inside the train, being a long day, too tired I supposed. Come back want find my last ice cream and found out that my mummy steal my ice cream again! Lol.. Okay la, stop le.. Too long later you say me long-winded.. Night Hawkie!!

Msg for the day: 如果还对已分手的旧情人有感觉最好别保持联络，免得历史再从演。不值得！长痛不如短痛，要断就断得一干二净别再有任何牵连。男人还是女人比较了解女人我想答案很明显。但女人绝对可以比男人更了解男人。再坏的男人也有脆弱的时候，尤其是在感情方面。当女友/男友变心提出分手而你又还爱着她/他的时候，老实讲，注意别盲目的为她/他付出一切。受伤的只会是你自己。擅长玩心理游戏又不甘寂寞的前女友，更不该再和她有瓜葛。当她的后备轮胎你会高兴吗？女人往往会刻意或不留意的利用他人的脆弱，这是女人的本性。对女人没有基本了解的男人通常比较容易会措意。认为自己还有希望，其实事实并非如此。女人本来就是善变的，她们的优柔寡断以及反复无常的情绪是致命武器，很容易造成错误的理解。话说回来，这世上也有优柔寡断的男人，但道理跟女人是相同的。虽说不小心伤害到对方但这还是残忍的。“天下乌鸦一帮黑”通常我会用来形容男人但我不会因此而偏袒女人。正所谓“最毒妇人心”，女人的绝情不再男人之下！时间会证明一切，当有一天你清醒了，你会为了你过去的愚蠢痛哭还是大笑呢？大笑吧！痛哭不值得也没必要。该说的我已说了，听不听就看各人了。别说我这个朋友不够意气。若是我，一定会选择失去联络！不去玩弄他人也避免再次被伤害。哈哈！
Song for the day: Dreamz FM - Bu Zhi De [梦飞船- 不值得]
This song is one of my all time favourite，especially the lyrics.

2nd Day @ EXPO..

Dear Hawk,

Today is a fun fun day!! This morning I was just hoping that today will be a smooth day.. Hee hee.. Although my job is quite like promoter except no commission.. >_< And keep abandoned by my exhibitor. Today he say 12+pm come.. I wait till 2pm then he come.. I so poor thing sia.. Need to wait for him to come then can go for lunch if not booth no people. Lol. But he nice so nvm la.. Haha.. Lunch time I went to the food exhibition.. keke.. I so greedy eat many things.. lol.. $$ fly fly away..

I meet many many fun fun people again today.. I found out that I quite enjoy doing this job and interacting with foreigners.. Some local people also not bad la.. Hmm.. But i think they not singaporeans.. One from Singapore Sports Council chat with me for awhile and when he know I just part timer there he say no wonder I so friendly worx!! 1st time people say me friendly and not attitude.. Haha.. Another from Supreme Court de joke with me say if they send him payment he come find me.. haha.. Got another foreigner say I very good worx.. haha.. I say thank you =x.. Got one malaysian tell me this "no no.. Never regret" when I said I regretted taking IT course.

Actually on and off got chat and joke with quite a number of foreigners.. They are so friendly and humorous, they approach me 1st de.. haha.. Got many keep say 'thank you Jade'. Woot.. And as walk pass me again they will say hi and smile smile at me worx.. Happy sia.. Anyway, my exhibitor also say I did good job.. A day full of praises.. Those impolite people I also forget le.. kekeke.. But hor, today I forgot to bring jacket.. So cold sia inside and it rained heavily also.. Gosh.. I nearly freezed to death.. Im wearing all black today.. Black shirt, pants and sandals.. Tomorrow I won't be so guai go wear collar blouse le.. Make me so uncomfortable.. I shall wear turtleneck top.. haha.. I was asked to put on makeup sia.. zzz. no no no.. I not so guai yet.. keke.. Ohya.. Forgot to say that I bought 4 ice creams on my way back home.. Now I'm eating one and my mum steal one so I left 2.. Later my sis steal left 1.. Father not feeling well so don't think he will steal.. lol

Msg for the day: 偶尔有新的尝试也不错，会有意外的收获喔！哈哈！
Song for the day: Zhang Dong Liang - Dang Ni Gu Dan No Hui Xiang Qi Shui [张栋梁 - 当你孤单你会想起谁]

1st Day @ EXPO..

Dear Hawk,

Today is a very tiring day. I hardly slept due to nightmare too and got to wake up at 6+am because of work at Expo. Its a 3 days work (wed-fri) as booth assistant. The organisation is so blur de.. Bring me to wrong booth so paiseh!! And do nothing for 2 hours because my exhibitor is late. lol.. Im so bored.. Anyway, he is from Sweden and luckily he is not fierce.. I was so scared since I hate to interact with people. Yet my job is to promote the magazine (The Global Security Technology Magazine). I can understand why he needed a booth assistant!! Coz he is away from booth 99% of the time!! Abandon me all alone.. Actually I like it this way la.. Lol.. More relax.=x

Hmm.. Some of the foreigners are very fun!! One of them even chat with me about his 3 days survival course at Malaysia when he know that I'm from Malaysia.. Lol.. Bad thing about this job is FAR (ard 50 mins) and also no lunch provided. >_< Actually I should be working from thurs to sat for the Wine 2005 exhibition but they last minutes switched me over. Quite regret for agree to switch over to this Security exhibition because my friends will be at wine exhibition and it seems more fun. Went dinner then go comics shop just now.. keke.. Need to sleep soon if not tml sure dead.. Hope I won't insomnia again.. And nightmare please go away!! ShoO~!!

Msg for the day: 休息是为了走更长远的路。
Song for the day: Na Ying - Meng Yi Chang [那英 - 梦一场]

Liang Jing Ru Mini Concert

Dear Hawk,

This morning I barely slept and got to wake up around 11+am because I meeting Ryn. She asked me yesterday to accompany her go watch Fish Leong Liang Jing Ru's mini concert. Actually before that I had already rejected another friend to watch Ou De Yang's concert and didn't know she will ask me also. Fish Leong is Malaysian singer so I must support little bit. Lol. I didn't know that its held inside a pub DXO. I didn't expect my first time stepping inside a pub in SG is because of a concert. She is so cute and sweet!! Worth it. Anyway, the concert started 2pm and ended at 3pm. Ohya, forgot to mention that I met one of my poly friend LuYun there too. She went there with her friends. While inside there, we sit 2 extreme ends. Lol. After that went Marina Square with Ryn then I went back home.

Msg for the day: 当你觉得失落和烦恼的时候，哪里才是你的避浪所？是想回到家里还是想逃出家里呢？
Song for the day: Zheng Shao Qiu - Tian Da Di Da [郑少秋 - 天大地大]

Stone..

Dear Hawk,

Just now Ryn called and asked me go down Tiong Bahru Plaza, she sounded quite sad so Mit and I went down meet her after her work. As usual, Im late! Lol. Anyway, its just that she is bored. Mit have work later so cannot stay too late and for me I'm just tired and very stoned. Didn't sleep at all these 2 nights. Our conversation all on r/s stuff. Yawnz..

Msg for the day: 一个人可以迷失方向多久？好累。
Song for the day: Shino Lin Xiao Pei - Fan [林晓培- 烦]